My Life's Prayer...

Many waters cannot quench the love that You Lord, have for me, neither can the floods drown it (Song of Solomon 8:7) I am most blessed because my transgressions are forgiven and my sins are covered.  I am blessed because You Lord do not count my sins against me and there is no deceit in my spirit.  When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.  For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.  Then I acknowledged my sin to you  and did not cover up my iniquity.  I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord. ”And you forgave the guilt of my sin. I have prayed faithfully to You Lord in a time where you could be found; and so surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach me.  You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.  You will instruct me and teach me in the way I should go; You will counsel me with Your loving eye on me.  In light of this, I will not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle in order to move forward. Your unfailing love surrounds me because I trust in You.  I Rejoice in You Lord and am glad and I sing! (Psalms 32)

Praise be to You,  God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts me in all my troubles, so that I can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort I myself have received from You.  For just as I share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ,so also my comfort abounds through Christ. (2 Corinthians 1:3-5) I continue to Sow righteousness for myself, so that I may reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up my unplowed ground.  I was called and will continue to seek You Lord, until You come and shower Your righteousness upon me. (Hosea 10:12)  “I move forward each day forgetting the former things and choosing to not dwell on the past because I see that You are doing a new thing!  Now it springs up and I perceive it!  You are making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wastelands of my life.  (Isaiah 43:18-19)

“Everyday I come to You thirsty, I come to the waters...I get still and listen to You, and eat what is good... I Give ear and I come to You; I listen so that I may live... I seek You Lord while You may be found; I  call on You while You are near...“For Your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”You say to me.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are Your ways higher than my ways and Your thoughts than my thoughts.  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is Your Word that goes out from Your Mouth concerning me:  It will not return to You empty, but will accomplish what You desire  and achieve the purpose for which You sent it. (Isaiah 55)  The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me because You, Lord, have anointed me to proclaim The Good News to the poor as You have proclaimed it to me.  As  you bind up my broken heart, You equip me to help You bind up the brokenhearted.  As You continue to free and release this captive from a dark and lonely prison, You equip me to proclaim this truth to others as well, and to proclaim the year of Your favor and the day of Your vengeance, to comfort all of us who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on us a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  We will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of Yours for the display of Your splendor.  We will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; we will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations...And we will be Your ministers... Instead of our shame we will receive a RECOMPENSE, and instead of disgrace we will rejoice in our inheritance.  And so we will inherit a double portion in our land, and everlasting joy will be ours...In Your faithfulness You will reward us and make an everlasting covenant with us and our descendants....All who see us will acknowledge that we are a people that You have blessed.  ”I delight greatly in You Lord; my soul rejoices in You, my God.  For You have clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of Your righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.  For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so You, my Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations. (Isaiah 61)  I dwell in Your shelter oh Lord, Most High.  I abide in Your Shadow, God Almighty.  I say to You Lord, “You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”  You will deliver me from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.  You will cover me with Your pinions, and under Your Wings I will find refuge; Your faithfulness is a shield and buckler.  I will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.  A thousand may fall at my side, ten thousand at my right hand, but it will not come near me.  I will only look with my eyes and see the recompense of the wicked.  Because I have made You, Lord, my dwelling place—the Most High, who is my refuge—no evil shall be allowed to befall me, no plague will come near my tent.  For You will command Your angels concerning me to guard me in all of my ways.  On their hands they will bear me up, lest I strike my foot against a stone.  I will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent I will trample underfoot.  “Because I hold fast to You in love, You will deliver me;  You will protect me, because I know Your Name.  When I call to You, You will answer me;  You will be with me in trouble; You will rescue me and honor me.  With long life You will satisfy me and show me Your salvation.” (Psalms 91)  

Lord, please help me to remember these promises and always remain in Your Loving protection; in that place where I no longer have to pretend to be anything other than exactly who I am; accepting that You called me this way, accepting that You love me this way, accepting and equipping me for the work that You have planned for, and accepting the Truth that my heart is being transformed into Your likeness day after day and will continue to do so until the day You return, in which I will share in Your glory forevermore!  

Amen

Fear is not my Name...

Last night I had a fearful Savannah come to me with a torn heart.  She had agreed to have a sleepover with one of her good friends but only because she didn't want to disappoint her. You see, her friend has a "hissy cat" that oftentimes attacks for no reason.  The thought of spending the night with that cat on the loose vs letting her friend down were the two choices laid out before her.  In order to help her sort through her feelings and make a decision, I had her speak to herself as if she were giving a friend advice.  I knew that she would never ask a friend to spend the  night in fear, and I hoped that once she looked at it from that perspective, that she would let herself off the hook as well.

I have made many compromises lately in order to avoid disappointing others.  I have been left feeling anxious and confused and wondering what is wrong with me and what God wants me to learn from this.  I say lately, but really this has been a lifetime struggle and it leaks into my relationship with Him as I am constantly feeling like I'm letting others down...letting Him down...and wondering how long He will "put up" with my divided heart.  As God so often does, He spoke to my own heart as I spoke to hers, and He asked me to apply this same method to myself and what I have been wrestling with as well:

"I see you struggling.  I see what your desire is.  God would never turn a heart away that is so desperate for Him!  You are being confused in order to darken your heart.  Fear is the weapon of choice but it is not yours to own as if it was your name and in your skin.  You have been made to be confused so that fear can easily trap you as you run to Him.  He is bigger than your fear and cannot be pushed away by it.  You weren't saved because you were fearless.  You were saved because you turned to Jesus and called Him Lord.  Do not let fear stop you from believing or taint the Gospel.  It is a choice!  You are still breathing!  The Holy Spirit lives to bring about the change that you are so desperate for.  Just believe!  Do not look back and fear.  Do not look forward and fear.  Instead, look up right now and believe!!"

All of us are lacking in one (or several) areas, or else we probably wouldn't even recognize our need for a savior.  What matters is whether or not we recognize that.  An animal would never willingly walk into a trap..by nature it is deceptive, but there is always something that draws that animal into it's clutches. Mine seems to be the need to please everyone and to find perfection in all things.  Yours may look different, but the bait is still intended for the same purpose- to confuse you, blind you, and leave you defenseless and stuck in your pain.  What matters is how you respond to this WHEN it happens.  Will you squirm around in your own strength and desperately try to pull your way out of it the way an animal does...causing more and more pain with each pull?  Or will you recognize your desperate state and cry out for help?  It is a choice.  Even if you are at this very moment looking down at bloody cuts and bruises and realizing that you have been deceived, you can choose to cry out!  He doesn't care how long you've been there or what you look like when He rescues you...He Himself was bloodied and bruised for you.  The difference?  He was not baited or trapped.  He knew exactly what He was walking into, and He chose to go anyway so that this very day you could be pulled from traps such as these and follow Him back Home to be bandaged up.  The choice is yours.

 "Fear is not my name.  It is not a part of my skin."  It is not so much a part of me that I am left without a choice in the matter, no matter how loud it screams that I am. True, that unless my sins- ALL OF THEM- were nailed  to that cross with Jesus Christ, then I cannot go on.  If there was anything left to do after the night my Lord was crucified, then I cannot do it.  If there are qualifications for being chosen, then I do not qualify.  If there is a limit as to how many times I can stumble as a Christian, then I have already exceeded them. If there is any sort of loophole to grace to be found, then I'm sure to have found it. There is not one ounce of me that doesn't contain that which nailed His Hands and Feet to that Cross.  But my faith is in Him and is dependent upon the FINISHED work at Calvary.  I am pressing on in the belief that His faithfulness is bigger than my doubts and my fears...and that those too were included on the night of His death, because He did not call to me so that I could walk through life afraid.  Fear is not my name.  It is not a part of my skin.