I Never Would Have Flown So Far...

July 13, 2004

If I were to die today- rejoice!

For I died in the arms of Christ and salvation and am among the Living.

If today were my last day on earth, I’d hope for singing at dusk- for wherever I shall be, there is much song and laughter!

Fall down on your knees with praise- for I am with the Lord!!

Why should tears be rolling down your face, when I might not have ever danced with angels?  Remember where I started and rejoice at where I ended- REMEMBER! 

I never would have flown so far with patience of a child.

I flew with the only moment of Grace to be had and rose to freedom before it passed!

Hold Truth steady to your hearts and don’t turn bitter as your heart would have you.

Instead, I plead with your faith- rejoice!

Forgive because He forgave.

Endure as the Truth becomes hard and your faith must be tested-

And remember where I started- always with praise for where I finished.

He is Love and I am His. 

Rest for the Nomad

4-18-2004

The nomad has subsided; finding a home. 

Virtue in truth; strength in powerlessness.

Freedom needs guidance- you don’t fight for it, you simply ask. 

A trembling awakening to the light that never seized- my eyes

were always slits. 

Chaos is created by man, and sometimes

    It

  drips

down

the mind’s red-carpet and settles for a moment to be remembered. 

If chaos is so simple to so many, then peace must be divine! 

Eyes refuse to open!

Just reach for it! 

Search and seek as you would the drugs, the sex, the conformity

of this world! 

Surrendering to yourself is only bowing down to dust, so why do

you laugh as I bow to Glory?

Do not betray the light to roll around in the dirt and then expect

to be rewarded! 

Why are we constantly amazed to find ourselves in filth? 

There is only one way to be cleansed but it seems that dirty is

preferred. 

I want to be clean! 

I yearn to be clean! 

I long to be clean! 

Jesus has made me clean!

Look and rejoice! 

He smiles when you cry out to Him-

Not because you are in pain, but because you open the door.

Wait! Don’t slam it just yet!

Listen- if for only a moment…

be quiet-if for only a pause…

If you truly are without an answer, it’s because you never

asked. 

Shhh….He’s waiting for your silence.  

Dying to Live!

           There are many different beliefs on how to get to God and many different ways to get to Jesus, but Jesus is God and the only way to get to Jesus is through the cross.  So if you want to find God then go to the cross…but don’t just stand there!  Go to the cross and look up until you see Him…and when He invites you up onto that cross…and you say, “Yes,” you must understand that you will never be the same.  If what you are looking for is a better version of the same, Jesus does not have what you desire.  If you do still choose to climb up onto that cross, however, God forbid you stay there!  For a time yes, but midnight beggar the dawn brings resurrection!  To climb upon the cross and die with Him means that death cannot hold you anymore than it could hold Him!  So resurrect beloved, resurrect!  

*Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.– John 14:6

*Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.  For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him.  For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God.  Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.- Romans 6:4-11

Until These Chains Fall

Come forth My sweet dove, let Me mold you. 

In My Hand, always- I hold you.

The terrain has been rough and I’ve seen you struggle to survive.

Bring it back, (your focus)-

I am the prize.

To seek out Your treasure is my greatest pleasure. 

Oh, but It feels like dying…

As bread is broken and eyes are opened.

And though I have grieved You, You will never leave me,

                     And so

I’m trying to sing louder than the enemy can scream!

I take deep gulps of Your Living Water. 

May I never thirst for any other.

Spirit and Truth, collide in my heart!  In my mouth!  I will worship.

                     And…

Maybe You haven’t been so silent after all.    

                     And Maybe…

just…

Maybe You’ve been teaching me a new song…

 in a new language…

 all along.

All for all-

I’ll be singing and praising until these chains fall!

Lord, please make me new!

(just like You)

Set me free!

( oh I pray)

All for all-

there is no flaw, In You.

There is no flaw, In me…in YOU.

Oh!

And when You saw me, You called me, You set me free!

Laid hands upon me, straightened me!

And all I can do is praise!

I am free and my face is unveiled before my King! 

I Fix my eyes on the unseen-

the unfelt!

I draw to You nearly, so I can hear clearly…

Covered by the Blood of the Lamb, I come before the Great I Am!

That I may see, hear, and understand- turn and be healed once again.

               

From fear of man to stop me if you can. 

I’m learning to sing louder than the enemy can scream!

                And

I will sing even if my voice shakes. 

I will praise even if my heart breaks.

Come forth my sweet dove, let me mold you. 

In My Hand, always- I hold you.

The terrain has been rough and I’ve seen you struggle to survive.

Bring it back, (your focus)-

I am the prize.

Silent Song

I write this song to You though I have no words to say.

I long to sing this song to You

but my mouth just sits and stares… without a single prayer to pray

My heart isn't as it should be.

My thoughts aren't the way

they could be.  It feels like I'm left to live out this

silence…like a sentence...a still and quiet kind of violence.

Why this?  I know I should be able.  But I am not. 

I want to be like the others...and I know I ought not to compare...

and yet I stare…and I stare...as their eyes are always filled

with wonder, and their hands are raised, and their hearts are

bowed...and they abandon themselves...and yet…are not left

feeling abandoned.   I cannot stand it...I cannot stand it...

I miss You. 

I miss my face to the floor and my heart light and free.

 I miss Your Arms around me...Your songs that

would surround me.

 I miss the cradling in my bed in the serenity of Your presence. 

I had never had this.

 It seems it was but a blink of time when You found me so empty and said “no more.”

I relive that moment day after day with the hope of

another...please lift me from this utter...place of me...me....me...

lift my eyes from the floor so I may see...see...see-

the Hand that reaches down to save me, I know You are still

able, Savior- SAVE ME!

Don't leave me here to wonder and roam about as if I'm a lost thing. 

If I die another death...I am afraid I'll never rise…I'll never sing.

My heart is far from proper…my tears aren't always contrite.  My lips too often tremble and

my right's too often bent on being right.

 But oh sweet Jesus when You love me, that love is more than a thousand dreams

of a thousand wishes that have all come true!  I JUST WANT YOU!

Too often I forget to pray, and darted eyes tell stories of

priorities depraved...I won't promise that I'll ever get this right,

but I bow before You anyway...this day...this is the day…THIS NIGHT.

To know the truth without the flutter.  To speak the Word

without the warmth.  It's a hypocrite's dilemma...a confession

of double minded obsession and desperation for a change that

only You can provide!  If only I could hide!  If I could change

it myself...(oh how You know I have tried.)

 I want to move forward, but there's so much backward that has been left undone.  They

still grab at me- lunging from dark and hidden places.  I was

a child....but never a child.  I long to cry, but am afraid to

stay too long...afraid if I say hello that I will forget how

to say goodbye. 

We aren't supposed to address these things. 

We are supposed to be okay...to be free.  Others smile and you can see

How they are healed...and yet some still hold tightly to

their secret chains...afraid that they will never change...afraid

to be revealed...and oh the anguish that this brings...watching

under the weight of it all...just watching them as they sing. 

And yet you know this should not matter, and their words of hope should not bring shatter to the

pieces, but they do…as they whisper, “Sister, you should feel this too…”

But instead I remember the silent song….a lullaby of right is wrong…and am left with empty arms and a

mouth that utters nonsense to the wind…(where once stood my first and sweetest friend.)

and I don’t know why I am haunted still.  (I don’t know if I ever will.)

But after a night of unforgiving darkness passes, the light that comes is almost blinding…behind tired and defensive lids an angry red reminding-

That

I am not forsaken

I will rest but I will not faint..as

I wait here beside the road less traveled, on soil that's been freshly graveled,

with calouses upon my bended knees...

and one day soon…I too will sing.

Praying Inside the Lines...

Recently, a friend going through a grievous trial asked the question, "If God is in control of everything and is going to do what He wants, then what is the point of prayer?"  This wasn't a question asked out of anger.  It was an honest imploring question from her heart as she wrestled with being prayerful, trusting His sovereignty and ultimate decision, and trying her hardest to please her heavenly Father.  The dilemma was this:  she believed that there were many promises that pointed towards a certain outcome that she desired, but she also knew that sometimes God answers in ways that aren't how we believe they should end.  So she wanted to on one hand, believe with her whole heart in faith, that God was going to answer the way that she needed Him to, but she also wanted to leave room for Him to give a different answer and so she wondered, "Is that a lack of faith or is it an umbrella of trust in His character?"  

How many of you have wrestled with these same questions?  Maybe you didn't realize that you had until you read that and recognized it as truth.  I am not going to try and pretend that I can give you an answer that satisfies all of these questions, because at the end of the day, God is God and we cannot possibly understand all of His ways.  I can, however, suggest that although her heart was filled with many questions, that they actually indicate that her faith was quite strong regardless of the outcome of the situation.  Her ultimate heart motive in this situation was to please Him. She desired more than anything for her heart, mind, and strength to all be in line with His will.  God does not ask us to know everything or demand that we decode some magic combination in order for His will to be done in our lives as He so deems.  He asks us to put our faith and trust in Him, seeking His Kingdom first, and then promises that all of these things will be added to us (Matthew 6:33).  Is that not what she was doing?  If you find yourself in a similar situation, is that not what you too are asked to do?  

So back to the original question?  "What is the point in praying then?"  It depends really.  If you have an unwavering solution to your problem that is crystal clear and that you have painted perfectly, then I'm not sure if there is a point.  There is another type of prayer though, that may have a certain hope in mind, is filled with trust, but has left the framing to be finished by the Father. When You pray to your God in agreement to His Word, you release your hold on the situation.  You release that control; that picture that you have painted of how it should look in the end.  If God answers in a way that you didn't imagine, it doesn't shake your faith, because you know that the landscape He is creating is much more beautiful than anything you could have ever dreamt up, "...as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him-"- 1 Corinthians 2:9

Who is holding your life's paintbrush today?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts."- Isaiah 55:8-9

Jesus turned around and, seeing her, He said, Take courage, daughter! Your faith has made you well. And at once the woman was restored to health.  Matthew 9:12

So that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men (human philosophy), but in the power of God.  1 Corinthians 2:5

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.- Matthew 6:33

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.- Ephesians 2:10

However, as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him-1 Corinthians 2:9

My Life's Prayer...

Many waters cannot quench the love that You Lord, have for me, neither can the floods drown it (Song of Solomon 8:7) I am most blessed because my transgressions are forgiven and my sins are covered.  I am blessed because You Lord do not count my sins against me and there is no deceit in my spirit.  When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.  For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.  Then I acknowledged my sin to you  and did not cover up my iniquity.  I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord. ”And you forgave the guilt of my sin. I have prayed faithfully to You Lord in a time where you could be found; and so surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach me.  You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.  You will instruct me and teach me in the way I should go; You will counsel me with Your loving eye on me.  In light of this, I will not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle in order to move forward. Your unfailing love surrounds me because I trust in You.  I Rejoice in You Lord and am glad and I sing! (Psalms 32)

Praise be to You,  God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts me in all my troubles, so that I can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort I myself have received from You.  For just as I share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ,so also my comfort abounds through Christ. (2 Corinthians 1:3-5) I continue to Sow righteousness for myself, so that I may reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up my unplowed ground.  I was called and will continue to seek You Lord, until You come and shower Your righteousness upon me. (Hosea 10:12)  “I move forward each day forgetting the former things and choosing to not dwell on the past because I see that You are doing a new thing!  Now it springs up and I perceive it!  You are making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wastelands of my life.  (Isaiah 43:18-19)

“Everyday I come to You thirsty, I come to the waters...I get still and listen to You, and eat what is good... I Give ear and I come to You; I listen so that I may live... I seek You Lord while You may be found; I  call on You while You are near...“For Your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”You say to me.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are Your ways higher than my ways and Your thoughts than my thoughts.  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is Your Word that goes out from Your Mouth concerning me:  It will not return to You empty, but will accomplish what You desire  and achieve the purpose for which You sent it. (Isaiah 55)  The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me because You, Lord, have anointed me to proclaim The Good News to the poor as You have proclaimed it to me.  As  you bind up my broken heart, You equip me to help You bind up the brokenhearted.  As You continue to free and release this captive from a dark and lonely prison, You equip me to proclaim this truth to others as well, and to proclaim the year of Your favor and the day of Your vengeance, to comfort all of us who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on us a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  We will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of Yours for the display of Your splendor.  We will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; we will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations...And we will be Your ministers... Instead of our shame we will receive a RECOMPENSE, and instead of disgrace we will rejoice in our inheritance.  And so we will inherit a double portion in our land, and everlasting joy will be ours...In Your faithfulness You will reward us and make an everlasting covenant with us and our descendants....All who see us will acknowledge that we are a people that You have blessed.  ”I delight greatly in You Lord; my soul rejoices in You, my God.  For You have clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of Your righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.  For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so You, my Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations. (Isaiah 61)  I dwell in Your shelter oh Lord, Most High.  I abide in Your Shadow, God Almighty.  I say to You Lord, “You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”  You will deliver me from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.  You will cover me with Your pinions, and under Your Wings I will find refuge; Your faithfulness is a shield and buckler.  I will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.  A thousand may fall at my side, ten thousand at my right hand, but it will not come near me.  I will only look with my eyes and see the recompense of the wicked.  Because I have made You, Lord, my dwelling place—the Most High, who is my refuge—no evil shall be allowed to befall me, no plague will come near my tent.  For You will command Your angels concerning me to guard me in all of my ways.  On their hands they will bear me up, lest I strike my foot against a stone.  I will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent I will trample underfoot.  “Because I hold fast to You in love, You will deliver me;  You will protect me, because I know Your Name.  When I call to You, You will answer me;  You will be with me in trouble; You will rescue me and honor me.  With long life You will satisfy me and show me Your salvation.” (Psalms 91)  

Lord, please help me to remember these promises and always remain in Your Loving protection; in that place where I no longer have to pretend to be anything other than exactly who I am; accepting that You called me this way, accepting that You love me this way, accepting and equipping me for the work that You have planned for, and accepting the Truth that my heart is being transformed into Your likeness day after day and will continue to do so until the day You return, in which I will share in Your glory forevermore!  

Amen