Porcelain

In the porcelain stillness there are cracks- oh tragic chaos if they should dance!
If I peer closely, I can see a war on the other side of them.
 If I peer too closely, I had best be ready to fight.
 I am not.
So I cautiously tip-toe backwards to the place of rest that has been so lovingly and carefully spread out for me, and I fall-
 like a feather, I fall back into it, and I close my eyes.

Adventures in walking Savannah to school :)

Today, as I was walking Savannah to school and pushing Asher along in the stroller, I started thinking about something. There is a perfect little path that leads to her school that we walk every single day, and every morning and afternoon, effortlessly, and with the grace of a swan I glide along this path until the moment that those wheels touch the gravel of the pebbled playground that stands between us and our destination...and then something changes.. Suddenly, the stroller ride becomes a bumpy trek; a torrential undertaking of the vast sea of pebble! My posture distorts as I furiously push through those tiny rocks in desperation to get to the other side. As I push down and out, grinding those wheels into the depths of the ground, I am increasingly slowed down, and actually (embarrassingly) out of breath by the time that we get to the other side...too tired to even enjoy the sweet, sweet victory... But today, I tried a different method. Instead of leaning forward, pushing harder, and speeding up; today, I stood up straight and sloooowwwllly pressed onward. I didn't try and muster up any more strength than was at my natural disposal As I went with only the strength that I had in the moment, a funny thing happened. I crossed that sucker in record time; perfectly postured, and with the carefree lungs of a gazelle! Wonderful how Poppa can teach us life lessons through even the most casual and seemingly silly things in life. That path is perfectly laid out to reach it's destination. It is smooth and narrow, until the moment before you get where you're going...then suddenly there is a choice to make; to strive or cooperate? To try as hard as I can, or trust Him to gently and slowly get me to my own destination with what strength I have been given? I will probably giggle every time that I get to the playground now and SLOW those wheels to a screeching halt before pressing gently forward, and I imagine that poor, little Asher will appreciate not having shake, rattle, and stroll in the future as well!

To write a song

In this quiet I can feel the shadows whisper, asking, "When? When can we start screaming?" I calmly wait beyond this hissing, with softly spoken promises..believing.
 I come from light and when I shine, the darkness falls to it's knees and ground's made holy.. as His presence fills the place where I stand, or often kneel with hands that are folding.
 A day goes by so quickly when Your love intertwines with heart and hands. A year goes by so slowly...an hour of hopeless turmoil when devil's dance.
 But YOU Oh Lord, You are making me new, and I have been wearing this size for so long. These tattered clothes are tightly constricting, and I want to look pretty for You when I sing my song! I haven't read the words yet that I will sing, but I hear the Melody in my heart, and I know that when my voice comes forth it will run to where You are... and return with the recompense of love that was lost and I will rejoice at the gain and won't ponder at the cost... and who knows if I will ever stop singing?

In the dark I have learned to wait

I desire to KNOW You Lord, with every breath that I breathe "without" You Lord. The TRUTH, I speak it out, Oh Lord, to calm this sea of doubts... Oh Lord...
I seek to plant a bed of roses. I toil away as if I'm new at this. Oh Master Gardener, please guide these shaky hands..
and fists... so full of seeds.. ( I don't want a garden full of weeds.)
 I think that I have learned to smile again, Poppa, do You see it on my heart? I am not the filthy wretch that I had painted of myself; I am radiant because You are.
 My eyes have been so blind, my ears so full of lies... I couldn't hear You say, "I love you" and I couldn't find the strength to rise-
 from the ashes of despair, where Your face is so far away... there is no hope without salvation, and in the dark I have learned to wait-
for the almighty Hand that can both comfort and teach... sometimes the very lesson in that restraint is simply knowing... to reach
To dance again...to love again...to be lifted from my knees-
 the song is so beautiful, my heart beats to the rhythm..beats....beats....to the rhythm..beats...beats...