A Psalms 91 Kind of Life

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High-
(I run to where You are! In Your Shadow I abide!)

I will say to the Lord, "My God in whom I trust!"
Safely tucked beneath Your Wings, my heart cries out,

"Enough!"

(You are more than enough.)

I need not to be afraid-
You stand in the space between the struggle and the victory.
The angry sword may strike by day and night, but even the fight will end in Your glory.

(This is YOUR story.)

Chaos!
All around me!
Oh Lord, my heart is faint within...I can't go on!
The noise consumes and the pain overwhelms..sometimes I can't find You..I want to come home!


"You will only look upon it and watch as the world falls deeper and deeper into it's own demise...
But, open your eyes!
Child-
Open your eyes!

(I've been here beside you all of your life-
I have NEVER left your side.)"


Radiant before me, a heavenly host alongside of this trembling walk.
Never moving without a command from my Father, a gentle guide from the Everlasting Rock.

Because I call out to You-
even as sharp claws and teeth relentlessly seek to destroy my life.

Because I cling to You-
salvation awaits

Because I love You-

I've been given new LIFE.

Forgiveness

Pardon me while I ramble on about forgiveness for a little bit.  I have seen quite a few people who are struggling GREATLY in this area lately.  As a matter of fact, this is one of the reasons that I take leave from facebook occasionally.  It isn't just one of "those" friends either...you know the kind of friends that I am talking about; the ones who you just block after a day or two of realizing that every word that comes out of their mouth is negative?  (If I just made you paranoid then I'm not talking about you, because those people truly do not care if they offend.)  I see it from people that I love deeply and it bothers me.  It bothers me for many reasons, but mainly because I know that forgiveness is essential to walking with the Lord.  We cannot fellowship with the Lord and carry around bitterness.  How do I know this?  Because I have tried...and not just years and years go, but like last week..and the week before that...etc...  I could come up with lots of reasons for it (and I will give you a few just to keep myself from despairing, lol) HORMONES, ISOLATION, REJECTION, CHEMICAL IMBALANCE, SPIRITUAL WARFARE....I am good at this, so I could go on and on, but at the end of the day...I am asked to do the impossible sometimes, and to forgive everyone, of every single obnoxious or hurtful thing that they throw at me.  Sometimes I feel unable to, and then I find myself about 6 feet deep in a hole that I cannot crawl out of, and so ONCE AGAIN, Jesus throws a rope back down to me and I get back up off my knees and climb up into His arms.  Think about that.  That rope He throws down has a name.  Can you guess what it is? "FORGIVENESS" ..and what a beautiful name it is!  So there I am with a BIG OL' grin on my face standing with my Lord, when up walks that obnoxious "Bitterness" painted up again in whichever form she has chosen for the moment.  "Well, I'll take care of this," I think to myself, and I push her right into the hole I just crawled out of....because...I mean, can you believe the audacity of  (insert name) to cause these horrible feelings inside of me?!? I look to Jesus then to get a high five, and do you know what I see?  I see that I am  standing right next to Bitterness in that hole once AGAIN. 
You get the picture. It isn't pretty....So when I see people that I love not only struggling with forgiving each other, but embracing "Bitterness" and naming her "Just"...naturally, I want to shove them into the hole...right? lol.  No seriously, it doesn't just upset me...it concerns me. 


Why does it concern me? 

"But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins"- Matthew 6:15- JESUS

You might feel justified at the moment, but is it worth it?

You say, "But you don't understand! What they did was too much...I can't forgive them!"

Is it worth it?

"But they are still doing it!"- BUT IS IT WORTH IT?

"See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil" Deuteronomy 12:15- CHOOSE LIFE! Don't take sides with the enemy of your soul! Don't be an ambassador for your own destruction!

Are you really willing to allow what they have done to you, steal your peace on top of it?

What if Jesus used the measure against you that you are using against this other person? Is it worth it then, because guess what? HE DOES.-  "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:2

Can you live up to your own standard?

I know that I sure can't, so why don't we do ourselves and everyone else around us a favor, and FORGIVE THEM! FOR EVERYTHING! Why? BECAUSE HE FORGAVE US, AND HE IS WORTH IT! 

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good- Romans 12:17-21


One final thought though...if you are like me, and even though you know all of this to be true, you still struggle at times to simply LET THINGS GO, take comfort in these next couple of scriptures and apply them (as opposed to using them as an excuse to stay in the hole) to your life until you are back up on your feet:


"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."- 1 John 1:9


"Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us."-Romans 8:34

and finally...

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense--Jesus Christ, the Righteous One."-1 John 2:1

The rainbow

Thank You, Lord.
 Oh thank You, Lord.
 I was so afraid, but Your love has come to save...
 No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper,
 Forgive me, I have been so lost,
Oh Lord. Forgive me, I've been gone for so long...and my soul, it just kept on singing that song.
 My heart was so hard. How did it ever go that far?
 Lord, I'm here now. Abiding in Your love. Your presence overwhelms me. Lord, I know how much You love me.
 I'll never know the reason. I'll never know the cost But all is found now...all has not been lost.
 Deliver me, Lord. I'm here for You Lord- to seek Your love upon my heart.. It's not much but it's a start. Oh hear me, Lord, I hear Your words in ways that I haven't for so long. It's been so long...it's been so long. The day is drawing near, but gone are all of my fears. The tears are sowing love...sowing love...sowing seeds of love...Your rain is falling from above...seeds of righteousness, being rained on with Your love. Lord..righteousness..righteous Lord, I call.. I give You my all, as I lay this at your feet- a fragrance as I pour it out, it is so sweet, as I pour it on your feet.
 Forgiven. I'm forgiven. The one forgiven much loves much, and that is me- I'm forgiven, yes forgiven, the aroma in my hair is so sweet.
 Oh Lord, I come in to the presence of your love. Oh Lord, I want more. I want more. It's never enough. The waters came (oh how they came), but they washed away, they washed away so much pain. Yes, the waters came.. and they came... and they came... But, when they left, so did the pain!

Crowned

The promise of peace amid this chaos, Lord- This is the desire of my heart. With too many thoughts to reign in-
 too many feelings to sort-
 it is hard to hear You..You seem so far.
 I am passing through these waters-
 You are the anchor for my soul. Please pull me to the surface, Lord, the water's thick..the river's cold. My feet are tied to rocks. My hands feel tied behind my back. I call upon Your Holy throne Oh Lord, please come and stand here where I lack. PEACE! I need to be delivered. I am a prisoner of this weight. To be redeemed, it is the promise...and here I am...and here I'll wait! I am a child shivering in a dark place. I am a broken child lashing out. I know not what I do...or where I'm going... my mind so full of anguish and screaming doubts. Somewhere between yesterday and tomorrow, torn between my joy and my sorrow, I see the picture of hope as it stands... a woman in a crown... she was so lost but oh so found! she said she couldn't, but oh how You say she can!

In the dark I have learned to wait

I desire to KNOW You Lord, with every breath that I breathe "without" You Lord. The TRUTH, I speak it out, Oh Lord, to calm this sea of doubts... Oh Lord...
I seek to plant a bed of roses. I toil away as if I'm new at this. Oh Master Gardener, please guide these shaky hands..
and fists... so full of seeds.. ( I don't want a garden full of weeds.)
 I think that I have learned to smile again, Poppa, do You see it on my heart? I am not the filthy wretch that I had painted of myself; I am radiant because You are.
 My eyes have been so blind, my ears so full of lies... I couldn't hear You say, "I love you" and I couldn't find the strength to rise-
 from the ashes of despair, where Your face is so far away... there is no hope without salvation, and in the dark I have learned to wait-
for the almighty Hand that can both comfort and teach... sometimes the very lesson in that restraint is simply knowing... to reach
To dance again...to love again...to be lifted from my knees-
 the song is so beautiful, my heart beats to the rhythm..beats....beats....to the rhythm..beats...beats...

Just Listen

Guard my words and guard my steps, Lord; I tend to ramble when afraid. Guide Your words to broken ears; I tend to expect them to be painful when I'm trembling. My stubborn mind can be made up so hastily; especially in desperate times. The healing of Your love it so desires- "Lord please don't let me fall before I'm lifted." When I enter Your House, may it be in anticipation of listening- of listening- without giving- without trying- without relating- without judging. When thoughts are abundant- Lord, please hold my tongue. When words creep to the surface with a pounding heart, I must not have paid attention.
Amen.

Lord, please don't let me fall before I'm lifted

These are my random thoughts....if they sound dark at times, it's because I am being honest...if they are lame at times...it's because I am being honest.

"Lord, please don't let me fall before I'm lifted." I used to pray with remorse and white knuckles; my heart pounding to the rhythm of my pleas. One night You stood me up and I thought I'd never fall again.....but..."Lord, please don't let me fall before I'm lifted!" My eyes are closed so tight; fingers in my ears, but oh how free my mouth is! Bind it shut! Bind my mouth and open my eyes! Pull the fingers from my ears, but quiet my own voice so I can hear! I cannot live in the gray as before. I am not even welcome there anymore, but I feel shunned by the white. I pretend black isn't even a word, although it has taken up residence in the place between my fingertips and my eyelids. I cry out to You from morning until night- "Lord, please don't let me fall before I'm lifted!"
Amen.